Monsters on Vacation

The warm Mexico sun poured down on me from overhead, warming my bare arms and legs with a delicious tingling heat that only comes from the tropical sun.  I lay on my stomach, propped up like a little seal on my elbows, meticulously brushing sand out of the novel I was reading.  

I was engrossed in the sumptuous unimportance of the first book I had picked up to read for “just for fun” in two years.  Allowing myself to drown completely in the story and the sun, I was deaf to the rest of the world.

Jennifer was there with me, a co-survivor of our MA program and fellow shoe-loving travel-aholic.  I was awakened from my mental lethargy by a blast of sand being kicked up by Jennifer’s flailing legs. 

“Aahhh!” she squeaked as she bounded down towards the warm salty ocean waters.

I glanced up, startled, and adrenaline consumed me as I felt sharp claws stuck in my tousled, salty hair.  I followed Jen’s example and took off in no particular direction other than away. 

I finally got up the courage to pause my flight and turn back around cautiously to where I had been relaxing.  There he was.  The biggest, nastiest, grayest iguana I had ever seen.  He was glaring at me from just below my bright turquoise towel and didn’t plan to leave any time soon.

He held my gaze and slowly picked his way backwards a few feet up the sandy beach to just above my towel where a pack of chips I had been munching on lay.  This is too much! I thought.  I’m not going to stand here and let some lizard eat my Doritos that I smuggled with me on my vacation. I happen to be a huge fan of Cool Ranch.  I slowly began to approach my spot, hoping to intimidate this hungry beast before he stuck his slimy tongue in and drooled all over my precious junk food.  The instant I was far enough out of the water, the little devil charged at me, strategically maintaining his huge corpus between me and my chips. 

I had no choice but to retreat back into the salty water.  We repeated this sequence so many times that it felt like we were rehearsing for the tango.  Everything was there, the heat, the argument, the passion, the steps…

Eventually I had to watch in horror as his dirty hole greedily swallowed up my chips, staring at me in diabolic defiance.   I stomped my foot in the salty sand and felt tears come to my eyes.  Not because my chips were gone, but that I had lost a stare down to an iguana.  Now he sniffs me out every day and I have had to move to the other side of the hotel.  This unwanted pet is almost as bad as my ex-boyfriend who also happens to be on the other side of the hotel.